Craig Green

I have always had writing in my bones, but had to take a few weird and wonderful detours to end up doing it for a living.

I went crazy for languages at school, studying French, German and Spanish, as well as a big dollop of English literature. During my gap year I volunteered my services to a local and worked there full time until they caved in and gave me a paid up teaching assistant role.

Following year I took off to Canterbury Uni for teacher training but after a couple of years became disillusioned with the ridiculous paperwork. With a little negotiation, I traded in my teaching degree for an English and Media degree, meaning I managed to knock out two degrees in four years. English suited me better and I went mental for post-war literature, soaking up as much as possible. Part of the degree was in creative writing and it was there I got the bug. I wrote my first ‘long’ short story about a murderous tramp visited by angels and got my first good reviews.

To keep food on the table, I landed the plum role of helping to stock an empty record shop with a blank cheque book. Like Christmas Day every day boxes and boxes of CDs piled up; jazz, folk, funk, rock and rap, i ordered it all. I developed a tasted for requiems, string quartets, Cuban folk and Jewish jazz.  At the weekends I chopped wood in a timber warehouse, sitting behind the piles of decking and dado rail with my Sillitoe, Dunn and Story trying to complete my overdue coursework. Mickey was taken.

After Uni, I worked for a film mag in Baker Street selling ad space. My plan was to infiltrate the editorial team from within. It was a poor plan. I ended up temping for Lloyds TSB commercial, getting paid to drink tea and occasionally ‘talk posh’ to important clients. 

At my graduation ball, I met my wife to be and moved to Canterbury to live with her. I got a job at Waterstones and talked rubbish about beat poets with PhD students for minimum wage. 

This wasn’t paying the rent, so I landed a role in the premium unit of Natwest. My job largely consisted of explaining to minor aristocrats and D-list popstars that their overdraft couldn’t be extended and yes, they did have to pay the charges. To get some good experience i had a job interview for a managerial role covering a huge portfolio of graduates. I hadn’t a chance in hell of getting the job, so i rocked up with a big smile and a pack of lies and, a day later, was inexplicably handed the job, much to the chagrin of my peers. I was pretty successful, but it just wasn’t me and I felt some distaste for some of lending ethics, so I started an MA in Creative writing to release my pent up creative bent. 

Eventually, I cracked and left the bank. Looking at the mess they are in now, I can honestly say that the signs were there during my tenure. 

I started work as a Press Officer in the same Uni that i did my teaching and English degree and was reading my MA.  This was a great job and learnt A LOT about the profession, especially local press and corporate ID. My first son, Charlie, was born during this time.

All good things must end and my contract expired. I quickly joined a local radio station and was paid to come up with ideas for on-air games, sponsorship and promotions. Easily the most stressful job I have ever done and easily the least enjoyable. Non-stop arguing and in-house politics made for a miserable few months. My MA had finished and I had built up some good work including TV scripts, the first half of a novel and some cracking short stories. The sonnets are best left to the past.

So after a brief family conference, we set our compass for Cornwall. I started working for Bob Harper the moment my feet landed on terra firma. I started as a telesales bod and so began a long, fun and fruitful relationship. The telesales soon gave way to a marketing position and I haven’t looked back. In the meantime, my second son, Alfie, was born a Cornishman, we bought a house and we dug our roots.

I am involved in much of the consultative and creative work at Portfolio. I have worked intensely with several accountants and have a real feel for marketing the profession. I specialise in PR and copy writing. In my spare time, I am finishing off a series of children’s educational text books which will hopefully be published sooner rather than later.